Only you

Long time no talk! There is something on my mind I’ve been meaning to write about. In between studying for a million tests (k…it’s not really a million but it sure feels like it!) I’ve been thinking about control. By control I mean when you let someone else determine your happiness. This is my kryptonite. Sometimes I get so concerned about making everyone else in my life happy, that I forget to make myself happy in the process. I almost gave up my life to someone else, in an attempt to make someone I loved happy. Fortunately I woke up and realized what I was doing, but I haven’t always been awoken by reality. I could continue on with stories about how I attempted to make someone else happy, by sacrificing my own happiness. But I have a feeling…we all have those stories. About attempting to be someone’s hero. Attempting to save the day, and not worry about our own happy ending. But worry about some other happy ending, that we have little to no control over. So why do we do this? That’s a question I’ve asked myself at least a thousand times (and that one is not an exaggeration). Everyone has their own answer to this question. But here is the answer that has brought peace to my little heart, and I hope it helps you find yours.

I sacrifice my happiness sometimes, because I used to think it was a sign of love. I’ve learned that if it’s true love, life isn’t a sacrifice it’s an adventure. I get sacred that if I am not making my friend, or significant other, or family member happy their love will disappear. I’ve always felt like society places an emphasis on defining happiness, and only letting people in your life that make you happy. This idea the media, and society, have created ignites a major insecurity in me. What If I don’t make those I love happy enough, and they listen to society and move onto the next? I guess it can be taken as a lack of faith of in others, but in reality it’s all a self-worth thing. It took me a long time to realize that, and an even longer time to gain the courage to admit it. Upon this realization I came to the answer to my infamous question “Why do I sacrifice my happiness?” The answer is fear. Fear of loss, fear of not being enough, fear of being alone. A conversation I recently had with a friend was all about the logical fears, and the illogical fears our brains feed to us. All of those fears I listed are completely illogical. I know it, but I don’t always believe it. As with any flaw we attempt to overcome, I recognize it. As cliche as it to say, admitting it is the first step. The more conscious I’ve become  of this it changes the way I act in my relationships. Now I see that by being me, I can make others happy. I don’t need to alter my life, and my choices to please someone else. True happiness is found with true love. True love is found by being you, and only you. Whether that love is a a friendship, romantic relationship, or a plethora of other options, true love deserves the true you. And only you. So what I’m trying to say, is be you. Others will gravitate, and others will love you for you. You won’t have to buy their love with your choices. Even if they don’t agree with your decisions, they’ll still love you. That’s the cool thing about love, it’s not about pleasing the other person. Happiness doesn’t come from other people, it comes once you decide you want it. But only you can choose it.

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